Notes From the Whirlpool

Hey there! Sit down, have a drink. We should get acquainted…
Me? I’m JAMES GATES. What’s that? Well, that’s a tricky question…You might call me a Wichita…what? Character? Fixture? Gargoyle? I don’t know for sure… I’ve lived in the Wichita area almost 79% of my life. Most of the time I haunt Delano and the Old Town district like they were my own personal Whitechapel—you may only catch glimpses of me, floating in the background at a bar, a show or an art opening, but there are traces of me everywhere. (Wow, that didn’t sound creepy at all, did it?) I’ve been around long enough to have met some people… And let’s face it, I’m recognizable. I’m six and a half feet tall, rail-thin with blond hair, goatee and yellow-tinted glasses—I look like the three-way love child of Andy Dick, Shaggy, and Lurch from The Addams Family.
If there’s one thing I’ve been known for over the years, it’s random, bizarre, goofy shit. Tales are still told of the time I staged a re-enactment of the Oswald assassination in front of the Bohemian Bean Co., or when I held an impromptu white-slavery raffle to pay my rent… After awhile, it just seemed a natural to go semi-pro, which I did in 2006 with the sketch comedy group PANIC BUTTONS. I’ve been performing on stages and microphones throughout the Wichita area ever since, pursuing the goal of building a live, local comedy scene. In March 2007 I started doing THE JAMES GATES SHOW, a live comedy experience based around A) the late-night talk show format, and B) a whole bunch of me. And the rest is, well, the stuff of much confusion…
Anyway, this is my log. I get to write about anything I want, anytime. I like that. Hope you do too.
Wed Oct 21

10/21/09 - Random and Recent 8

Random and Recent 8

BUSY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN — RANDOM LIST #3983 — JUST AN OBSERVATION, #229 — QUOTE OF THE WEEK — A DAMN CLOSE SECOND

Busy Days Are Here Again (Comedy Calendar)

As I write this, the “fall season” of local comedy shows has begun… with last week’s TUESDAY NIGHT COMEDY REVUE at Rock Island Live and yesterday’s debut of the 99 CENT OPEN MIC at Blue Lounge, over 100 souls have been touched, moved, and sullied by local performers so far this month.  Between those shows and the standing ICT COMEDY gigs at Blu Nightclub and Bristol’s Tavern, Tuesday nights in Wichita have effectively been claimed for comedy!  (Well, somebody had to do it—God knows there’s nothing on TV…)

And things just keep rolling from here… the following is a mostly-complete list of upcoming shows of note:

·      SAT 10/24:  MEN’S SCRAPBOOKING CLUB (3-man sketch comedy troupe from WSU)

@ “The Battle Arena”, 1744 S. Mission – Show starts @ 7:45pm(?)

·      TUES 10/27:  ICT COMEDY (Standup, with Eric Sharpe, Daniel Pewewardy, & me)

@ Blu Nightclub, Maple & Tyler – Show starts @ 9:00pm

·      TUES 10/27 & WED 10/28:  NORM MACDONALD (Standup)

@ the Loony Bin, 21st & Woodlawn – Shows start @ 8:00pm (late show Wed @10:30pm)

·      TUES 11/03:  ICT COMEDY (Standup, with Lamont James, Chris Winslow, & Deonde Crawford)

@ Bristol’s Tavern, 426 E. 61st N., Park City – Show starts @ 9:00pm

·      SAT 11/07:  THE SCALLYWAGS’s 10th Annual Anti-Social (Show / Party)

LOCATION & TIME TBA – www.piratecomedy.com

·      TUES 11/10: TUESDAY NIGHT COMEDY REVUE (feat. the ScallyWags, Romie Lee, & more!)

@ Rock Island Live, 101 N. Rock Island – Show starts @ 9:00pm

·      THURS 11/12:  JAMES GATES SHOW #315 (“The Sensitive Male Show”)

@ the Donut Whole, 1720 E. Douglas – Show starts @ 9:00pm

·      FRI 11/13:  BOB & TOM COMEDY ALL-STARS (Standup)

@ the Cotillion, 11120 W. Kellogg – Show starts @ 8:00pm

·      TUES 11/17:  99 CENT OPEN MIC (Standup/improv/music/spoken word/whatever)

@ the Blue Lounge, 608 E. Douglas – Starts @ 9:30pm

…That enough to keep you in the funny?  I’ll keep you updated as we head into December!

Random List #3983

MOVIE-BASED VIDEO GAMES I’D LIKE TO SEE

·      Steel Magnolias

·      Moulin Rouge

·      Fried Green Tomatoes

·      The Green Mile

·      I Am Sam

·      The Graduate

·      Blue Velvet

·      Mystic River

·      The Color Purple

·      Philadelphia

·      Requiem for a Dream

·      Schindler’s List

·      Blair Witch Project

·      Dirty Dancing

·      Brokeback Mountain

·      Birth of a Nation

·      Stand and Deliver (or Dangerous Minds, if Edward James Olmos isn’t hot enough for you)

·      New Jack City

·      Lorenzo’s Oil

·      Eyes Wide Shut

·      Beaches

·      To Kill a Mockingbird

·      Gummo

·      Say Anything

·      Roots

·      Captain Ron

·      March of the Penguins

·      Dead Poets Society

·      Brian’s Song

…and then some cream on the top…

·      Capcom vs. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants

·      Ninja Sling Blade

·      Lilo & Stitch: Vice City

·      Rock Band – Spinal Tap

·      Dance Dance Amistad

 

Just an Observation, #229

The rules for describing a less-than-glamorous state (U.S. state, not “state of mind”) and describing a less-than-gorgeous lady are similar, but work in opposite ways.  This came up when somebody asked “What’s the best thing you can say about Arkansas?”, and the collective response was “It’s pretty to drive through”… “But is it interesting—does it have any personality?”  “Oh, well, it’s very pretty, especially driving through the Ozarks…”  (Notice how there’s no mention of actually stopping…)

So there you have it.  Ugly girls have great personalities, and stupid states look beautiful, as long as you don’t have to stay.  And that’s today’s peek into the humanity’s awful nature, brought to you by the letter “G”…

 

Quote of the Week

“Comedians are the monkeys of show business.  You go to the zoo, and everybody likes to see the monkeys, right?  Because they jerk off, play with their own shit, that kind of thing.  Some people actually believe that when they turn off their TV, I just lie down in the box.  The other day it started raining, and this young boy yelled ‘Tracy Morgan, what you doin’ out in the rain?’  Motherfucker, life hits me in the face just like it does you.”

—Tracy Morgan

A Damn Close Second

“I stand here today humbled by the task before dofus kamas, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our cheap dofus kamas. I thank President dofus for his service to buy dofus kamas, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.”

—a comment left on my NAKED CITY blog (what it’s in reference to I have no clue, but I love a good bewilderment…)

This week’s codeword is “velvety”,

JG