Notes From the Whirlpool

Hey there! Sit down, have a drink. We should get acquainted…
Me? I’m JAMES GATES. What’s that? Well, that’s a tricky question…You might call me a Wichita…what? Character? Fixture? Gargoyle? I don’t know for sure… I’ve lived in the Wichita area almost 79% of my life. Most of the time I haunt Delano and the Old Town district like they were my own personal Whitechapel—you may only catch glimpses of me, floating in the background at a bar, a show or an art opening, but there are traces of me everywhere. (Wow, that didn’t sound creepy at all, did it?) I’ve been around long enough to have met some people… And let’s face it, I’m recognizable. I’m six and a half feet tall, rail-thin with blond hair, goatee and yellow-tinted glasses—I look like the three-way love child of Andy Dick, Shaggy, and Lurch from The Addams Family.
If there’s one thing I’ve been known for over the years, it’s random, bizarre, goofy shit. Tales are still told of the time I staged a re-enactment of the Oswald assassination in front of the Bohemian Bean Co., or when I held an impromptu white-slavery raffle to pay my rent… After awhile, it just seemed a natural to go semi-pro, which I did in 2006 with the sketch comedy group PANIC BUTTONS. I’ve been performing on stages and microphones throughout the Wichita area ever since, pursuing the goal of building a live, local comedy scene. In March 2007 I started doing THE JAMES GATES SHOW, a live comedy experience based around A) the late-night talk show format, and B) a whole bunch of me. And the rest is, well, the stuff of much confusion…
Anyway, this is my log. I get to write about anything I want, anytime. I like that. Hope you do too.
Wed Aug 19

08/19/09 - Twitter Theme Fridays 2

Twitter Theme Fridays 2

The following are “transcripts” of my last two Twitter Theme Fridays… that’s where I post hourly online updates based upon a predetermined theme (part of me feels like you probably could’ve figured that out yourself, but there you go).  Anyway, if you enjoy what you see here, come on over to Twitter and follow me:  www.twitter.com/JamesGates01

And away we go!

THEME #1 – “Why Comedy?” (July 31)

9AM: Comedy is my most marketable skill (freelance insanity doesn’t pay like it used to) #whycomedy

10AM: I love & know more Monty Python than you— Oh yeah… (btw, I refuse to do “The Lumberjack Song”, on principle) #whycomedy

11AM: I spent over 2 years rewriting the lyrics of any song I heard to be about farts, the Holocaust, or Mary Todd Lincoln… #whycomedy

12PM: I may like talking, a lot, but I sure love DOing more… #whycomedy

1PM: I have yet to pull together my dream lounge combo—Jimmy Allen & the Laws of Average… #whycomedy

2PM: I inspire weird visions in other people— like my buddy Nick’s dream, where I dyed my hair black “for my art” (!) #whycomedy

3PM: By the age of 4, I had learned the Law of Diminishing Returns and how it applies to comedy- it’s all on the 3s & 5s, baby… #whycomedy

4PM: Frankly, it’s the easiest way to describe \ explain my love life… #whycomedy

 

THEME #2 – “My Future…” (August 14)

9AM: I’m gonna name my first child ROFL-LMAO, ‘cause that’s how I met your mother… #myfuture

10AM: Within 3 yrs, Gene Shalt will have fully transformed into one of the Skeksis from DARK CRYSTAL (but dressed like Mr. Rogers) #myfuture

11AM: The 2nd Coming will be seen by Pay-Per-View only (and that’s assuming Jesus beats Brock Lesner in the opening bout…) #myfuture

12PM: I will eventually stop smoking cigarettes- the same week they legalize my “herbal supplements” (I think that’s a fair trade) #myfuture

1PM: The 1st lesbian President will invite Canada to move in (too soon), then get into a domestic dispute for no good reason… #myfuture

2PM: It’s NEVER been about Man vs. Machine— it’s Carbon life vs. Silicon (Which means breast implants are “sleeper agents”…) #myfuture

3PM: When the post-Apocalypse comes to pass, hope I get to be Harrison Ford, or maybe Clive Owen (ANYTHING but Kevin Costner…) #myfuture

4PM: 2011- “Truth in Ass-vertising” law is passed, requiring ass-word shorts to display true phrases, like “Slut” or “Bad Decision”… #myfuture

And “BOOM” goes the dynamite,

JG