Notes From the Whirlpool

Hey there! Sit down, have a drink. We should get acquainted…
Me? I’m JAMES GATES. What’s that? Well, that’s a tricky question…You might call me a Wichita…what? Character? Fixture? Gargoyle? I don’t know for sure… I’ve lived in the Wichita area almost 79% of my life. Most of the time I haunt Delano and the Old Town district like they were my own personal Whitechapel—you may only catch glimpses of me, floating in the background at a bar, a show or an art opening, but there are traces of me everywhere. (Wow, that didn’t sound creepy at all, did it?) I’ve been around long enough to have met some people… And let’s face it, I’m recognizable. I’m six and a half feet tall, rail-thin with blond hair, goatee and yellow-tinted glasses—I look like the three-way love child of Andy Dick, Shaggy, and Lurch from The Addams Family.
If there’s one thing I’ve been known for over the years, it’s random, bizarre, goofy shit. Tales are still told of the time I staged a re-enactment of the Oswald assassination in front of the Bohemian Bean Co., or when I held an impromptu white-slavery raffle to pay my rent… After awhile, it just seemed a natural to go semi-pro, which I did in 2006 with the sketch comedy group PANIC BUTTONS. I’ve been performing on stages and microphones throughout the Wichita area ever since, pursuing the goal of building a live, local comedy scene. In March 2007 I started doing THE JAMES GATES SHOW, a live comedy experience based around A) the late-night talk show format, and B) a whole bunch of me. And the rest is, well, the stuff of much confusion…
Anyway, this is my log. I get to write about anything I want, anytime. I like that. Hope you do too.

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Mon Jul 27

07/27/09 - My 2000th FB Friend Survey

My 2000^th Facebook Friend Survey

(I sent the following document out to a certain special party last week… the responses I received back are included, but if you feel inclined to send in YOUR answers, I’ll definitely look at them as well…)

07/17/09

Hello person!

I’m James. You recently accepted my friend request, or I accepted yours, and by doing so, you have become my 2,000^th friend on Facebook. (Before you ask, NO, I don’t actually know 2,000 people, but I do e-network like a mutha…)

For whatever it means to whomever, it seemed appropriate to do a little something to commemorate reaching the 2000 mark…so please take a moment and fill out the following “JG 2000^th Facebook Friend” survey, and you will qualify for your choice of these fabulous prizes:

· a foam SQUID!

· a SPATULA (wooden or plastic)!

· or a semi-dark and/or semi-dirty SECRET from my past!

Thank you for your time and your Facebook interest,

James Gates

(P.S.: Yes, I’m serious!)

====================================

JAMES GATES 2000^TH FACEBOOK FRIEND SURVEY

1. Name (optional)

Brian H. (last name withheld)

2. Gender (optional) MALE – FEMALE

Male

3. Sex (always optional) YES – NO – MAYBE

With my wife (very infrequently)

4. Occupation

Artist

5. 1^st thing you ever wanted to be when you were growing up

Superman (as a kid, I spent a year wearing a towel as a cape)

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “I have no idea who he is” and 10 being “He’s been inside me on numerous occasions”, how familiar are you with me?

2—I get e-mail notice of your comedy shows, and saw one once at Kelly’s Irish Pub.

7. Well, I’m a comedian who lives and works/performs in Wichita… what do you think of the idea of an ICT-based comedy scene?

I think your comedy initiative is great- keep it up!

8. Oh really? Give your answer on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being “I could give a rat f#@k” and 5 being “I saw you at a show in the last month”…

5, though my wife and I left after the first half of the show. Not because it sucked, but because we’re not really late night people.

9. What are your comedic interests—what makes you laugh?

I have no idea

10. Rate your most comfortable level of offensive humor on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “Veggie Tales & Disney Cartoons” and 10 being “Raping aborted cripple fetuses at Auschwitz”.

7—I can hack 10, but I don’t think it’s funny after a certain point.

11. What’s on your CD / MP3 player right now?

Mahler

12. Helen Keller— Funny, not funny, or played out?

Could be funny if treated with a certain dignity …

13. FINAL QUESTION: On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being “Yes, definitely” and 5 being “No, I’ve had to put out restraining orders before”, is this the weirdest thing that’s happened to you on Facebook?

4— and I’ve only been on facebook for a couple of weeks ….

Thanks again for your time—please send your answers back, along with your choice of prize: SQUID – SPATULA – SECRET

Wooden spatula, please

I think that went well… thanks again, Brian!