07/04/09 - I Surrender 5 - Poem
I Surrender… 5 – Poem
(This is it—the final installment in the “I Surrender” series… if you’ve been keeping up all this week, I thank you for your interest in the chaos of my romantic life [circa 2007]… and if this is the first installment you’ve seen, go into my blog archive right now and check out the five previous entries… either way, forgive me, as I now delve into the realm of angst-via-verse…)
Ah, love…
Let’s talk a little bit about love
Indefinable, unquantifiable, inexorable
The syllables go on and on
But what is it?
No, no, no, what…is… IT?!?
Is it the basic foundation of our universe
The embodiment of all that is good
As prophets with tans and good speaking voices
Have told us for centuries?
Is it an emotional aberration
Latched onto a biological urge
To propagate our species
Like we’re all just rabbits
With thumbs and vocabularies?
Or is it the hardest Sunday crossword you’ve ever done
The one you hold onto
Even though you’re stumped
Because the clues are too interesting
Not to find out the answers?
Yeah, I don’t know either
The only thing I know, or knew
Was that I didn’t know
Was pretty sure I had never really known
And from the clues I had thus far assembled
Was not too sure if I ever would know
And I was good with that, actually
Hell, it’s all just playing at chemistry anyway, right?
Trying different combinations
Charting the reactions
Then, suddenly, I knew
And not at first
You don’t even know you know at first
For me, it was one day
When I looked up and realized
I was feeling the fullest, most complete comfort I’d ever known in my life
And I thought, “There’s not a single thing I could say
That’ll make this girl run off.”
And at that point, I still had eight secrets
That’s how one love became different and more precious
Than any other type of love in the world
It was then that I knew
Or so I thought
And that’s where thinking gets you
Now… well, I’ve thought about it, again
And I am positively certain
That I do not know
In fact, I might know less than I did before
And the new info’s been REAL interesting to take onboard
But I am testing out
Some exciting new theories:
#1: You never know what’s going to have be done
In the name of happiness.
#2’s a whole philosophy:
“Feeling bad, looking good!!”
(Don’t try that one at home, kids
Leave it to trained depressives
Like your Uncle James and Kurt Cobain)
#3: There is no future.
There are only “Now”s waiting to happen.
That one’s deep, but mull it over some Chinese food.
#4: Truly living with love in your heart
Means facing and overcoming fear.
For me, that’s the whole ball game
No good and evil, just love and fear
Faith and doubt, optimism and pessimism
And this life is exciting and full
Because I am scared shitless
And facing it every day
Is giving me a dangerously inflated sense of ego
But I guess that’s love too…
Told you I don’t know!
Thanks again for reading, and keep your eyes open next week for my MID-YEAR RESOLUTION UPDATE!
It keeps rolling,
JG
