Notes From the Whirlpool: Archive

WICHITA-AREA COMEDY EVENTS, October 2010

Wichita-based Comedy Events, October 2010 · WED, 9/30– SAT, 10/2 DAN O’SULLIVAN @ the Loony Bin, 6140 E. 21st St. (21st & Woodlawn) 8PM (2nd show @ 10:30, Fri-Sat) – 18+ to enter – call (316) 618-HAHA for ticket prices (Standup – featuring TEAGUE HAYES and GABE PERRY) · SAT, 10/2 SAY WHAT?! @ Mead’s Corner, 430 E. Douglas (Douglas & Emporia) 9PM – All ages – no cover...

Oct 1st

WICHITA-AREA COMEDY EVENTS, September 2010

Wichita-based Comedy Events, September 2010 · WED, 9/1 – SAT, 9/4 MICHAEL MACK @ the Loony Bin, 6140 E. 21st St. (21st & Woodlawn) 8PM (2nd show @ 10:30, Fri-Sat) – 18+ to enter – call (316) 618-HAHA for ticket prices (Standup – featuring MATT GOLIGHTLY) · SAT, 9/4 SAY WHAT?! @ Mead’s Corner, 430 E. Douglas (Douglas & Emporia) 9PM – All ages – no cover (Improv...

Sep 3rd

WICHITA-AREA COMEDY EVENTS, August 2010

For Immediate Release Wichita-based Comedy Events, August 2010 · WED, 8/4 – SAT, 8/7 GABRIEL RUTLEDGE @ the Loony Bin, 6140 E. 21st St. (21st & Woodlawn) 8PM (2nd show @ 10:30, Fri-Sat) – 18+ to enter – call (316) 618-HAHA for ticket prices (Standup – featuring RYAN SKINNER and DAN SKAGGS) · WED, 8/4 and SAT, 8/7 MEN’S SCRAPBOOKING CLUB @ Fisch Haus, 524 S. Commerce...

Aug 4th

WICHITA-AREA COMEDY EVENTS, June 2010

Wichita-based Comedy Events, June 2010 · WED, 6/2 – SAT, 6/5 KEVIN BOZEMAN @ the Loony Bin, 6140 E. 21st St. (21st & Woodlawn) 8PM (2nd show @ 10:30, Fri-Sat) – 18+ to enter – call (316) 618-HAHA for ticket prices (Standup – featuring ANDY WOODHULL and ALAN GRAFTON) · SAT, 6/5 SAY WHAT?! @ Mead’s Corner, 430 E. Douglas (Douglas & Emporia) 9PM – All ages – no cover...

Jun 2nd

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WICHITA-AREA COMEDY EVENTS, May 2010

Wichita-based Comedy Events, May 2010 · WED, 5/5 – SUN, 5/9 THE SANDMAN @ the Loony Bin, 6140 E. 21st St. (21st & Woodlawn) 8PM (2nd show @ 10:30, Fri-Sat) – 18+ to enter – call for ticket prices (Hypnotist/Standup) · FRI, 5/7 HEADLINERS OF COMEDY @ the Cotillion, 11120 W. Kellogg Featuring TONY ROBERTS, MARVIN DIXON, DAMON WILLIAMS, SHANG, & HOPE FLOOD 7PM – 21+ to...

May 3rd

WICHITA-AREA COMEDY EVENTS, April 2010

Wichita-based Comedy Events, April 2010 · Tues, 4/13—TUESDAY NIGHT COMEDY REVUE @ Rock Island Live, 101 N. Rock Island 9PM – 18+ to enter – $3 cover (Multi-genre) · Wed, 4/14—ICT COMEDY @ Soggy Bottom, 779 N. West St. 8:30PM – 21+ to enter – no cover (Standup) · Sat, 4/17—GPRF OLD TOWN PUB CRAWL hosted by the SCALLYWAGS 8PM – 21+ – meet at Pumphouse (Party / Mayhem) ...

Apr 7th

10/25/09 - PASTBLAST - Man of My Dreams

Man of my Dreams (Another piece from the “early days”—this is the second monologue I wrote during the PANIC BUTTONS run of 2006 for myself, as myself…while I did adore portraying celebrities such as Charlton Heston and Jimmy Stewart, just saying insane s#!t, there was something a little special about the quasi-autobiographical ones…anyway, hope you enjoy.) This is about the man of my...

Oct 25th

10/21/09 - Random and Recent 8

Random and Recent 8 BUSY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN — RANDOM LIST #3983 — JUST AN OBSERVATION, #229 — QUOTE OF THE WEEK — A DAMN CLOSE SECOND Busy Days Are Here Again (Comedy Calendar) As I write this, the “fall season” of local comedy shows has begun… with last week’s TUESDAY NIGHT COMEDY REVUE at Rock Island Live and yesterday’s debut of the 99 CENT OPEN MIC at Blue Lounge, over 100 souls have been...

Oct 21st

10/10/09 - Wichita Comedy LIVES! Part 3 (With A...

Wichita Comedy LIVES! Part 3 (With A Vengeance) So here we are in October, with most of the year already behind us. And I gotta say it—I’m very pleased. (Actually, I would say I am Chief John Engorged Red Bear, but that probably doesn’t mean anything to you, unless you work at one of the local pizza joints I order from…) The Wichita comedy scene continues to build, expand, and sharpen, with no...

Oct 11th

09/29/09 - Things I'd Like To Yell From the...

Things I’d Like to Yell from the Bathroom 3 Alright… Here we go with Part 3 of the “Things I’d Like To Yell From the Bathroom” series…if you haven’t read either of the first two (http://jamesgates.tumblr.com/post/111307664 , http://jamesgates.tumblr.com/post/141036141 ) it’s pretty straightforward—sometimes, there’s things that you’d just like to scream out to the whole world. Thing is,...

Sep 29th

09/16/09 - Snapshot 4 - Kanye West Bit, 09/15

Snapshot 4 – Kanye West Bit, 09/15 The following is, to the best of my memory, a transcript of one of the bits I performed last night at the ICT COMEDY show at Blue Lounge…and if you weren’t there, it’s time to start rethinking your priorities. Seriously—if you have THE OFFICE on DVD, that means you can watch it anytime! Get your ass off the couch and be part of the real world! We’re waiting...

Sep 16th

09/09/09 - "All Up In It" - A Short History of...

“All Up In It” – A Short History of Missionaries In the history of civilization, Christianity has long been known as one of the most permissive and laid-back of all religions. In fact, in many parts of the world, the term “Christian” has come to be synonymous with “Hey, you do you thing, I’ll do mine—I’d never judge or push my beliefs upon you.” But this wasn’t always the case… At the...

Sep 10th

09/07/09 - Year of Lessons

Year of Lessons (Pretty self-explanatory—these are 12 lessons that I happened to learn during these particular months…) · Lesson I’ve Learned in JANUARY: Never let a lady touch your memory stick… · Lesson I’ve Learned in FEBRUARY: There is no Black Future Month, so during History month you gotta give it up for both… · Lesson I’ve Learned in MARCH: Just...

Sep 7th

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08/31/09 - JG SHOW Season 1 Questionnaire

JG Show Season 1 Questionnaire At the beginning of each JAMES GATES SHOW, the audience is given a questionnaire to fill out and turn back in. We then go over the results later in the program, and we all learn a little bit about ourselves and the U.S. Presidents. The following is a cross-section of questions from the first season of shows—take it if you like, and post it to me and I’ll...

Aug 31st

08/21/09 - A Couple of Lists, #1

A Couple of Lists, #1 Random List #3944 – SHOWS ON “ZOMBIE TV” More and more, I find myself using Twitter and Facebook as a place to test/”sneak preview” certain material… case in point: I started leaking some of this list yesterday, with a bit of commentary on each. It started innocently enough, without even a title… · “Now, folks around Hazzard County have known for some time, them...

Aug 22nd

08/19/09 - Twitter Theme Fridays 2

Twitter Theme Fridays 2 The following are “transcripts” of my last two Twitter Theme Fridays… that’s where I post hourly online updates based upon a predetermined theme (part of me feels like you probably could’ve figured that out yourself, but there you go). Anyway, if you enjoy what you see here, come on over to Twitter and follow me: www.twitter.com/JamesGates01 And away we go! THEME #1 –...

Aug 19th

08/17/09 - PASTBLAST - Advice For My Child

PASTBLAST – Advice for My Child (Another one from the “early days”—this is one of the first monologues I wrote/performed with PANIC BUTTONS, and was also among the first solo pieces I did when I began visiting the local Open Mics… wanna hear it? Here it go… ) ===================================== Hello there. So, I don’t have any kids—(pause; considering) Yeah, I’m going stick with that answer… ...

Aug 17th

08/11/09 - Random and Recent 7

Random and Recent 7 THE ANCHOVY AND THE VAGRANT – FB FRIEND SPOTLIGHT ON JAMAL “TAKEYOGURL” ROLFE-MURRAY – “NO, NO, IT’S TRUE…” #16 – QUOTE OF THE WEEK The Anchovy and the Vagrant So, as many of you are aware or could probably guess, I do have a day job. Like many Americans, I work at an establishment, selling things. Recently, I found myself having a beverage in a somewhat similar...

Aug 11th

07/27/09 - My 2000th FB Friend Survey

My 2000th Facebook Friend Survey (I sent the following document out to a certain special party last week… the responses I received back are included, but if you feel inclined to send in YOUR answers, I’ll definitely look at them as well…) 07/17/09 Hello person! I’m James. You recently accepted my friend request, or I accepted yours, and by doing so, you have become my 2,000th friend on Facebook. ...

Jul 27th

07/18/09 - PASTBLAST - Nepalese Embassy

PASTBLAST – Nepalese Embassy (This is a piece I wrote and performed last summer, at the tail end of my brief tenure in the diplomatic world…confused? Good, ‘cause that’s the reaction I was going for. Read further…) When people ask me what I do, I say “I’m a comedian.” And people usually say, “No, what do you do for work, for your job”… and I think “Fuck you”, but I say “You mean,...

Jul 18th

07/15/09 - Mid-Year Resolution Update

Mid-Year Resolution Update So, when’s the last time you thought about your New Year’s Resolutions? February? March, maybe? It’s alright—not at all uncommon. Unless, that is, you wrote a blog about them at the beginning of the year, and just happened to notice that half the year’s already flown by (let’s not even get into how THAT happened)… well, that’s what I did. Let’s see how I’m doing,...

Jul 15th

07/13/09 - Things I'd Like To Yell From The...

Things I’d Like to Yell from the Bathroom #2 I stopped writing for a week to go out and feed my performance jones (I’d claim about 75% success on that). I’m back in the laboratory this week, but as you wait for the new new, here’s Part 2 of another of my Open Mic favorites—the “Things I’d Like To Yell From The Bathroom” series…for those who didn’t catch #1, setup’s simple—these are kind of things...

Jul 13th

07/04/09 - I Surrender 5 - Poem

I Surrender… 5 – Poem (This is it—the final installment in the “I Surrender” series… if you’ve been keeping up all this week, I thank you for your interest in the chaos of my romantic life [circa 2007]… and if this is the first installment you’ve seen, go into my blog archive right now and check out the five previous entries… either way, forgive me, as I now delve into the realm of...

Jul 4th

07/03/09 - I Surrender 4b - Reparations to Ladies,...

I Surrender 4b - Reparations to Ladies, 3-4 (Same setup as yesterday—the following are public apologies addressed to certain ladies who I’ve (mostly) unsuccessfully hollered at over the last couple of years, with names changed to protect potentially offended parties, including my ego… ) To The Lady I Offered to Take On a Giraffe With Oh, come on! That would’ve been the shit, girl! You know,...

Jul 3rd

07/02/09 - I Surrender 4a - Reparations to Ladies,...

I Surrender 4a - Reparations to Ladies, #1-2 (Continuing the “I Surrender” series… the following are public apologies addressed to certain ladies who I’ve (mostly) unsuccessfully hollered at over the last couple of years. The names have been changed to protect both the innocent and my ego… Enjoy!) To The Lady Who “Never Has Enough Time” (looks in disbelief) What? “Don’t have enough...

Jul 2nd

07/01/09 - I Surrender 3 - Trade Secrets

I Surrender 3 – Trade Secrets Okay… Condition #2 of the terms of surrender for the Battle of the Sexes states you must divulge any and all advice or “trade secrets” you may have received from fellow soldiers on the front lines. This is pretty standard—it’s one of the ways they keep up with movements in the field, all that. Now, some of the brothers in arms may be a little upset about...

Jul 1st

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06/30/09 - I Surrender 2 - Bar Napkins

I Surrender 2 – Bar Napkins (Continuing my “I Surrender” series… I call my pickup lines “bar napkins”, because that’s where I usually scratch them down. Enjoy, and if you’re able to get any use out of them, hey, more power to you…) · So… you like cripple porn? · Mmmm… Girl, you’d make a penguin get sunburnt. · (suggestively) Hey… you like Dickens? NO!! No… Charles… Charles… my...

Jul 1st

06/29/09 - PASTBLAST - I Surrender to Nobody

PASTBLAST - I Surrender to Nobody (Falling into the category of “One of my favorite bits that I’ll probably never get to do effectively in front of an audience again”…this is actually the intro piece to a short series I wrote and performed a couple of years ago, which I will slowly unfurl over the next few days…love it!) ================================== I have an announcement to...

Jun 30th

06/26/09 - Things I've Never Wanted To Hear In Bed

Things I’ve Never Wanted to Hear in Bed And now, one month after “Things I Always Wanted to Hear in Bed” (http://jamesgates.tumblr.com/post/113048088), the companion piece… Hello, I’m James Gates. And these are a few of the things I’ve never wanted to hear in bed: “Break my nose.” “Welcome… to the Mossy Garden.” “I feel like I’m about to miscarriage.” “You should thank me… I taught...

Jun 27th

06/21/09 - PASTBLAST - Charlton Heston

PASTBLAST - Charlton Heston This one goes back to what I call “the beginning”—it’s one of the first pieces I wrote and performed for the PANIC BUTTONS shows of 2006. Almost three years later, I still get a giggle out of it…unfortunately, with Mr. Heston passing on last year, it’s an idea that must be laid to rest as well. Not that it’d be tasteless (any more than it already is); some jokes just...

Jun 22nd

06/19/09 - Twitter Theme Fridays

Twitter Theme Fridays Fridays have always been a good day for doing things a little different, for mixing up the routine as you head into the weekend. Traditions vary—some people make big plans out, others stay at home and relax. Some folks go casual, and some do anal. (Okay, I’ve never actually heard of “Anal Fridays”, but I haven’t seen the porno version of THE OFFICE yet, so…) Recently, I’ve...

Jun 19th

06/18/09 - Random and Recent 6

Random and Recent 6 SUMMER COMEDY CALENDAR, PT. 1 — RANDOM LIST #3835 — STRIP CLUB MEMORIES — QUOTE OF THE WEEK Summer Comedy Calendar, Pt. 1 The summer is upon us, and the TUESDAY NIGHT COMEDY REVUE is currently on hiatus…but there’s no shortage of live comedy in the ‘Ta, as all the groups from the REVUE are gigging individually all over town! (We’re Wu-Tang like that…) Here’s a few upcoming...

Jun 18th

06/16/09 - Single (A Poem, God help you all...)

Single (A Poem, God help you all…) Strange how this little ditty keeps coming back as sort of a theme song for me (except it’s a poem, not a song, but you know…) What, you haven’t heard? He said he’s SINGLE!! That’s right! S to the I-N G!! To the L-E! And he’s on the prowl! Long tall cool drink of water Out on the street with someone’s daughter Looking to beg, plead, steal, or barter Just for a...

Jun 16th

06/14/09 - There's Nothing Gay About Hunting

There’s Nothing Gay About Hunting Okay, right off the bat, I want to reiterate that there is absolutely NOTHING gay about hunting… And just so we’re crystal clear, I’m talking about outdoor game hunting, for non-survival-based sport—there is NOTHING gay about it, and frankly, I’m a little offended by the suggestion. I mean, honestly…to wake up at 4AM, leaving a warm bed and wife behind, to get...

Jun 15th

06/09/09 - Blog Index #1

Blog Index #1 I reached a couple of e-milestones recently… last Monday, I posted a MP3 clip on my Tumblr/Facebook blog entitled “Fireside Chat #1 – My Vagina”. What made this posting notable, besides being a short monologue about my vagina (which is either too much or not nearly enough information for 99% of you)? It was my 50th blog since setting up my Tumblr account in January. Then on...

Jun 10th

06/02/09 - James's Digest Condensed Works, Vol. 2

James’s Digest Condensed Works, Vol. 2 Continuing from Volume 1 (which you can find in the March section of my blog archive)… these are my one sentence/phrase/paragraph synopses of various books, plays, etc. (WARNING: VERY adult language follows… beholder discretion advised.) MACBETH by William Shakespeare “Scottish people love killing people… all types of ways, too.” SPOON RIVER ANTHOLOGY by...

Jun 2nd

06/01/09 - FIRESIDE CHAT #1 - “My...

Jun 1st

05/25/09 - PASTBLAST - Things I've Always Wanted...

Things I’ve Always Wanted to Hear In Bed (Saving back the new stuff for tomorrow night’s TUESDAY NIGHT COMEDY REVUE [9pm @ Kelly’s Irish Pub—don’t miss it!], but in the meantime, here’s another piece from the Word of Mouth / Speak Easy days…) Hello, I’m James Gates. And these are a few of the things I’ve always wanted to hear in bed. I would like a lady to spontaneously begin reciting...

May 26th

05/21/09 - PASTBLAST - Things I'd Like to Yell...

Things I’d Like to Yell From the Bathroom 1 (Okay… this was a pseudo-confessional piece from the Word of Mouth / Speak Easy Open Mic days—basically, as I told the audience at the time, these are kind of things that I just feel like screaming out to the world sometimes… not to a particular person, or any person, really; the ideal scenario for me would to be alone on top of a hill or...

May 22nd

05/19/09 - Just To Clear Up a Few Things

Just To Clear Up a Few Things So, keen observers may have noticed the cover article in the Sunday Eagle’s Arts section (www.kansas.com/entertainment/story/815630.html) about the burgeoning indie comedy scene here in Wichita, and well, a whole bunch of me… I mean, trying to deny it or pretend it wasn’t is just silly, stupid, or false modesty, which is both. But, with all due respect to Mr....

May 20th

05/18/09 - The Life and Times of Emil St....

The Life and Times of Emil St. Sherbernaise, Part 2 And now, Part 2 of the Life and Times of Emil St. Sherbernaise, the world’s greatest escape artist in an iron lung… PREVIOUSLY: Screw you… Go look up Part One in my blog archive, ya lazy-reading, rassem-frassem… (Kisses, JG) Emil’s first performance following being placed inside the prototype lung (which he lovingly referred to as “Lil’ Pedro”)...

May 18th

AUDIO CLIPS #3 - “JG vs. Babies” More...

May 17th

AUDIO CLIPS #2 - “Pin the Tail” ...

May 14th

AUDIO CLIPS #1 - “Texturbation” A...

May 13th

05/13/09 - Random and Recent 5

Random and Recent 5 I’M READY — RANDOM LIST #3822 — MAY-JUNE CALENDAR — RANDOM LIST #3823 — NEW MP3S (FINALLY!) — QUOTE OF THE WEEK I’m Ready… Had an interesting revelation the other day…I think I’m ready for an S & M relationship. Surprised me as much as the next guy (who probably isn’t surprised and doesn’t give a rat fudge anyway)—never struck me as my cup of tea. But what can I say? ...

May 13th

05/10/09 - JG SHOW Season 2 Condom Sponsors

JG Show Season Two Condom Sponsors Regular viewers and keen observers of the JAMES GATES SHOW may have noticed a number of recurring themes or bits that come up (beyond the now-semi-infamous audience surveys and games like “Duck Duck Rape”)… Case in point: All throughout Season Two (2008), in the Sponsors section of each show, we added a shout-out to a different fictional brand of...

May 10th

05/06/09 - PASTBLAST - Lamentations of the Inner...

Lamentations of the Inner Beast (Another piece from the Vagabond Open Mic days… Someone mentioned it a couple of days back, and I was reminded again when somebody else compared me to “almost Thor”, which while hugely flattering to my geek ass, truthfully doesn’t quite nail it… too often I feel like this guy…) Stupid Banner You know, it always like this Puny Banner freaks out and hides And Hulk...

May 7th

05/04/09 - The Life and Times of Emil St....

The Life and Times of Emil St.Sherbernaise, Part 1 The act of staged escape has produced legends of renown and mystery unlike any other performing art. Unfortunately, the shadows cast by such giants as Blaine, Copperfield, and Houdini have obscured many a talent who might once have captured the world’s attention. Too long have the tales of these performers and their wondrous feats been left to...

May 5th

05/01/09 - My First Day in the Twitty-verse (in...

My First Day in the Twitter-verse (in Verse) Two things you can be sure people on the Web will do: 1) Join the new, “hot” social networking site, and 2) fill out some kind of quiz or survey about their musical tastes. It’s not a question of “if”—spend enough time online, you WILL do these things. It’s as inevitable as your first penis enhancement email. In general, I’m sorta codgy and resistant...

May 2nd

04/20/09 - Gates List.com

Gates List.com Why should Craig have all the fun? (BE ADVISED: All of the following ads are real, genuine postings, and not an attempt to trick you into coming to a hotel so I can kill you. That’s not how I roll. Thank you.) Employment · A GOOD CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IMPERSONATION for use in production of short video films · MUSICIANS for a comedy lounge combo (working title “The Virgin...

Apr 20th